


Homesick

by Lostkid



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Amedot if you squint, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, idk ship what you want man, peridot is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 08:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7611682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lostkid/pseuds/Lostkid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She knows it's irrational to miss it, but she still does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Homesick

It was 6AM. That's what Steven's electrical time measuring device- ("it's called a _clock_ , Peridot") -said anyway. Humans measured time unusually, but it was simpler that Homeworld's methods, so she didn't complain. Being adaptable (to an extent) was useful, but sometimes she felt like she should be struggling more, like she was betraying Homeworld. What was she saying? She _had_ betrayed Homeworld.

She could see it, the yellow light shining through the wispy clouds; easily mistaken for a star by humans, but she knew it. Knew the place where control was everything; no one was free, no one was protected. She knew she shouldn't miss it but she _did_. Familiarity was safe, the opposite was terrifying. At first.

She liked Earth's sky. It was so colourful, bursts of blue and pink splattered across it, with pinpricks of light, twinkling whenever she moved her head. She understood the science of it, of course, but that didn't mean she still couldn't still admire it. She admired science _all_ the time.

"It's so _cool_ , right?"

She jolted forwards at the unexpected voice behind her; wrapping her arms around herself before relaxing.

"Oh, it's just you." She tried to sound nonchalant, "Why are you out here?"

"Why do you think? The sky's awesome!" Amethyst laughed, throwing her arms out and falling backwards to face the sky.

Peridot swung her legs nervously. "Why do you care about the Earth's sky? Haven't you seen it before?"

"Well, yeah, but it's different like, every day!" Amethyst explained, "So, like a week ago, me and Steven were having a hotdog eating contest, and the sky turned purple! Think it was supporting me, cause I totally won."

She was confused. The sky changed colours?

"What other colours does the sky appear?"

"Oh, tons! So there's blue, pink, purple, red, orange, yellow, I think I saw green once, but that's rare." She exhaled, "Earth's great."

"It's..." Peridot struggled to find the right word, "different, I suppose."

There was a silence between them as Amethyst rolled forwards to sit next to her. Peridot tried to keep her gaze on the sky but found it difficult.

"You, uh, miss Homeworld, right?"

It wasn't a false assumption. She just wished it was.

"I think...I miss what Homeworld could have been. If it had different gems in charge. Gems like..."

"Rose?"

"I never knew the Rose Quartz, so no." She said bluntly, "But Steven however, and you...clods..."

Her gaze became a glare at Homeworld, wishing it would flicker out.

" _Why_ are you like this?" She asked, frowning, "I don't understand it; I don't understand _any_ of you! How do you function, _how_ do you keep order?"

Amethyst shrugged, "Working together? I dunno; fear's not really the best way to get people to listen to you, cause they won't do it cause they want to, they'll do it cause they _have_ to."

"How is that more secure?"

"I don't know, do you wanna betray us?"

"No."

"But you betrayed-

" _Yes_ , I know I betrayed Yellow Diamond!" Peridot quickly spat out, as if refusing to acknowledge the fact would mean that it wasn't true.

Amethyst seemed to notice her discomfort, and stayed silent, occasionally throwing a pebble off the cliff into the sea, grinning when they bounced off water's surface a few times.

The risk of being shattered had been constant throughout her existence. _Non-obedient_ gems were shattered, _impertinent_ gems were shattered, _defective_ gems were shattered. Her supervisor had been shattered, after she'd made a mistake, a _small_ mistake that _shouldn't_ have been used as reason for punishment. Seeing the older gem killed made Peridot want to be utterly loyal to the Diamonds. She would do _anything_ she could to make them happy; to stay intact.

Peridot's throat felt tight as the silence continued, interrupted only by the lazily moving waves. She gingerly touched her gem, reassuring herself that the smooth surface was undamaged.

"You're scared-" Peridot frowned at her, "-of getting your gem shattered, aren't you?" Amethyst asked casually, returning to her lying down position before hurling her last pebble into the ocean. Peridot saw a small splash, and a group of birds (seagulls? Steven had spoken about them once) disperse across the beach.

"I...I am _not_ scared, I am...I am... Gah!" She cried, throwing her fists down onto the grass, small stones dispersing around her hands. "I want to help you, but I want to help Homeworld! Disobedient gems are punished, that's how it _works_ , and I know now that...that it _shouldn't_ be, but..."

"But what?"

"I...you don't _know_ Homeworld! It's...it's...there's _order_ , there's _rules_! The...all other planets are worthless; they're just assets to be _used_. But...but then Earth is... _this_!" She gestured at the beach and town, faintly illuminated by the pastel sky and a few bright windows. "I...I _still_ want to follow Homeworld's orders sometimes because...because it feels like this is all a trick-!"

"Hey, hey, Peri, calm down, okay?" The sky filled her vision as Amethyst pulled her down to lie on her back, next to her. "Look, I...I guess you're just weirded out by change, right? It's totally _normal_ to miss your home, even if it wasn't that great, because you feel like things have changed too much, yeah? Like if you leave it behind, you'll be a completely new person?"

Peridot exhaled and tilted her head to look at the clock again. 6:20. The sky had changed colours slightly, the pink fading.

"Okay, so, I hate to admit it but Pearl would explain this better than me. The-"

"You aren't going to call her, are you?"

"Hell no. I am way too chill here to go get her, or talk to her, even. Nah, what I'm saying is, uh, everything is confusing on Earth. Everything is weird, not a lot makes sense, and you've just gotta live your life how you want, ya know?"

"I...I think so."

"Yeah, freedom is kinda weird if you're not used to it. But sometimes you've just gotta jump right in and kick some butt!"

"I...probably would have understood Pearl's version better, but I...do appreciate the sentiment."

"No problem. And Peri, you know, uh, sometimes, leaving your old self behind isn't a bad thing."

Wasn't it? She'd never had an "old self" to compare herself to before, she'd never had any need to change her ways until now. Maybe Amethyst was right about all of this.

The stars above her seemed to shine brighter now; specks of brightness piercing the coloured clouds, leaving them with a sight more beautiful that anything Homeworld could _ever_ create.

"So...you wanna join me and Steven for the next hotdog eating contest?"

**Author's Note:**

> Steven Universe has ruined my life and I love it.


End file.
